I had the pleasure of taking a mini adventure into the city on Wednesday. It’s been quite sometime since I’ve “hung out” with myself and I think it’s a good tradition I plan on upholding.
I even made specific ‘plans’ to follow… Getting out by yourself vs the comfort of doing something with a friend is quite empowering [just make sure you don't bail on yourself!]
So here was my itinerary: Strala,Lululemon,Chobani.
At Lulu lemons’s I bought some clothes and a mat. If you are a sweaty palm person ..guilty.. and you’re tired of washing those damn yogi toes [that cost just as much as the mat from LLL's FYI!] then you need this mat because IT IS WONDERFUL! no slipping no sliding no problems. The people at LLL’s sure did mean it when they said I would kick some serious asana.
I love hitting up a manhattan yoga class. There’s nothing like walking down broadway with all its stores and tourists just go pop through a small glass door, go up an elevator, walk down a hallway and BAM! Gorgeous [huge] yoga room equipped with gorgeous yoga teachers. Strala is co-founded by up and coming yoga sensation/model Tara Stiles. I attempted to get to her 5:30 relax class but apparently the cars on the west side highway did not want me to get there in time…. However, I had the pleasure of being the lovely and talented Heidi Kristoffer’s student for the evening during her 7 pm strong class. [relax and strong are open all levels and lovers of yoga]
Heidi’s class consisted of lots of ball busting poses like holding plank for 2 minutes or dancing in goddess pose[aka holding a squat for 5 minutes] all while being reminded to SMILE! I really enjoy classes that don’t take anything too seriously, the lightness in the room was something beautiful. I’ve never been encouraged to laugh during boat pose or literally kiss my knees while bringing my knee to my nose. Yeah Strala is something wonderfully different.Last but not least CHOBANI! Chobani soho is on prince street [not far from strala yoga] and is the only Chobani store in the world. Where they literally make you yogurt with the freshest and yummiest of ingredients. This was such a treat after yoga, I almost ordered every single one I couldn’t choose. So I settled on two one for now one for the morning.. I got Grapefruit & Mint and for later Fig &Walnut. [ I will definitely be recreating both if not all masterpieces at home]
Quick Tip: For those who don’t know flavored yogurt has wayyy too much sugar/extra ingredients. You’re better off getting plain and adding honey yourself so it was really great the C.soho used plain yay!
I was the happiest little yogi in the world coming back home I actually had trouble sleeping.. perhaps it was because I knew I would be sporting my new LLL clothes/mat in the morning.
I’ve been back and forth about this whole bikini competition lately. Mostly because I’ve become so obsessive about what I put in my mouth that in the end I end up over eating and failing…miserably. What was once supposed to be a fun and challenging goal is now an obsessive compulsion.
This past holiday weekend as I gorged on pasta, cookies, and cake [don't judge me] I remembered a time when I was COMPLETELY gluten free… lately I’ve loosened my belt on my strict diet.. literally. I’ve felt heavier than I have in a while… my dairy free, gluten free, coffee free life style has been pushed to the side because instead of living meal by meal like I used to I was living calorie by calorie. I WAS WRONG! [do I get points for admitting it?] So yesterday I downloaded Wheat Belly on my Kindle and began reading…[thanks to the skinny confidential for turning me onto the book!]
Seriously I many never eat wheat again… I now know why I felt lighter, less tired, even happier. Yes wheat affects everything from your head to your toes, even organic all natural bread.
So I’ve decided to continue to do yoga/boxing/lifting regularly because it makes me happy. BUT instead I’m focusing more on eating right instead of eating less. For myself I find that planning my days are ridiculously difficult because I end up eating more or concentrating on something that I shouldn’t be. [although I still stash snacks in my bag, like/comment for a what's in my bag blog!]
Competition is innate in life. We compare/judge/envy others on a day to day basis…Putting the competition on the back burner is probably a good idea for me.. I need to feel good and look good to myself before I can compare myself on stage to others.
So, for right now I’m focusing on myself and my health, I feel bad for ‘giving up’ but sometimes LETTING GO is the hardest thing a person can do and I am proud of myself that I was able to see/do this before I got too deep.
My thoughts have been scrambled lately… probably because of the full moon a few days ago… [here are said thoughts]
I feel like I should blog more.. not for any particular reason except to be consistent about one thing in my life.
Motivation to be consistent about anything is incredibly hard for me because I have absolutely no patience. I want to run and lose five pounds, eat salads for a week and have a six pack, take a vitamin and be instantly cured. Obviously so would anyone…. No wonder so many people have addictions to plastic surgery.
But seriously I’m becoming so overly compulsive about how I look and the fact that I’m not losing weight. Which is stupid because I’m gaining muscle but my brain works in mysterious ways I guess.
I’ve thought about giving up the competition and just focusing on keeping myself healthy instead… except that would make me a quitter. And I basically told the entire world via internet so that would be awkward to explain. But I really want to work on my yoga career and perfecting that… I probably should have perfected that before I decided to begin my next challenge. Not to mention the last time I tried “dieting” I ended up at 96 pounds … I looked gross and was way too tan. I was happy with how I looked. I’d basically be that but with muscles if I did this bikini competition. But I can’t stay this way forever.. What do people look like off season in the same bikinis? bad? good? the same? can anyone even tell?
But I want to.. but I can’t afford it really… who pays $300 for a bathing suit you can’t even swim in? I can’t decide right now. I need other peoples advice and opinions.
I need a tan now.. my airbrush is fading.
I can’t believe Amedeo is dancing around listening to call me maybe. I’m so thirsty.. maybe he can dance his way to the kitchen for me.. LOL He IS!!! [thanks]
I need to do cardio… ugh I’d rather do yoga. I’d rather just eat pizza… no I’m GF… I haven’t had pizza in a while tho..
What should I have for dinner?
This post is useless. I don’t care.
Is anyone going to wanderlust that I know besides the people from my yoga tribe?
I can’t believe he’s still dancing.
So it SHOULD be basic knowledge for people but still it is forgotten increase in stress and decrease in sleep sends your body in survival mode causing added weight gain (your body’s way of protecting itself). Getting even more technical high stress levels cause high anxiety levels, which lead to a feeling of being hungry more often due to hormone secretion in your brain. People with high anxiety- like myself- already have increased levels of this hormone to begin with so more on top just seems ridiculous. But unfortunately it happens.
Long story short, a particularly stressful day, two glasses of red wine and I sleep for three hours waking up feeling super gross and annoyed at four am. How the heck does one deal with such nonsense going on in their life? I don’t have a mortgage or bills [minus the ones I create myself via nordstrom], I am a nanny for christ sake! I shouldn’t put so much pressure on myself.
And literally as I’m typing this I am having an epiphany…. I have not been to a yoga class in THREE WEEKS!
It’s amazing… of course I’ve been hard core stretching after working out like a monster/beast boxing and lifting. But there’s something about mindlessly listening to cueing and ending up in a strong and empowering position that makes you find center with in yourself. Sometimes it’s better to be the student. For example I worked out with Amedeo at lunch yesterday [vs sitting down and eating like the fatties we secretly are at heart] and having him coach me through my lifting for biceps and back made my workout so much better… and knows a helluva lot more than I do about lifting.
Anyways here I sit at 4:27 AM kinda annoyed at myself for drinking that wine…..[[ I don't know why drinking always wakes me up in the middle of the night?! ]] but trying to contemplate ways to ease my anxiety without going back to taking ridiculous pills to ease my panic attacks and obsessiveness…. if anyone has any thoughts or stories message me on my contact me tab or comment below…
What has worked for me so far is this amazingly glorious smelling lavender ball that I get compliments on when I wear even though its not meant for them it’s for me… and my anxiousness. But it does smell soooo good. Anyways after months of yoga everyday I stopped with my Kpins and all was good and I really like not taking pills bc I don’t feel like myself. I think It’s time I take a visit to Mrs Greens tomorrow to look for some alternatives…. anddd probably attempt to reestablish my relationship with my pillow.
Okay okay… so I’m not going to be drinking this holiday but I know many of us will still be doing our yoga this weekend!!
Once upon a time…(aka Sunday) I completely lost my shit.
After two long weeks of a gluten free, dairy free, fun free diet [& working out 6x a week] cheat night had finally arrived…
Saturday was “cheat night/date night” with Amedeo. We settled on Gnocchi with vodka sauce and fresh mozzarella on top and some vino. On the way to pick up the order Burger King caught my eye and I [easily] talked Amedeo into splitting a whopper with fries and a cinnabun for dessert. Yes it was the PERFECT cheat meal.. Until the next day.
The next day we woke up and Amedeo looked completely shredded, better than any of the guys in movie we watched the night before [Magic Mike]. Thoughts:WTF SERIOUSLY. I looked in the mirror. Thoughts: Ew.. but expected after a night like I had it’s prob not that bad.
Of course I weigh myself (as I COMPULSIVELY do every morning) and there it was 120.8. I officially declared I hate life. THOUGHTS: Seriously, how is it that a year and a half ago I was a pack a day smoker, I ate whatever I wanted (the 1 or 2x a day I ate) , lived on red bull and was 110 pounds. I know it’s just a number but seriously I’ve come so far just to dread/obsess over a number on a scale.
After tons of whining and freaking out and thoughts of going out and eating doughnuts. I got my shit together for about 20 minutes to kinda/sorta/almost run on the treadmill. I declared today a rest day and ate fairly healthy.
Seriously tho my goal is not unrealistic..I just want to look like Vanessa Tib.. or Bella Falconi. I know what you’re thinking but seriously here is a before and after of v.tib (1-2 pic is 6 months- one year progress). I SPECIFICALLY look at them for inspiration because they ARE my height.
I hated my boyfriend for looking good and being such a know it all about looking good. I hated my body, my hair, my face, my entire existence. Seriously I laid in bed all day and just moped around like a loser. I don’t know how the hell I managed that day to eat okay [prob bc I was tracking myself on myfitnesspal] let alone got the motivation to like… work out yesterday but I did.. TWICE.
It really bothers me how everyone’s all LA DEE DA I LOVE HEALTH! I tried to be like that but in reality I’M FUCKING STARVING! I researched shit all day Sunday and decided to incorporate carbs back in.. Honestly when you are working out SO hard you cannot deprive yourself and only eat 1200 calories. It’s unrealistic. Look up what these ladies eat it is insane.
Two days later I looked in the mirror after a session at the gym [and a bagel w/cc for breakfast!] and finally saw the lines/weight loss my boyfriend said he saw but I couldn’t. The weight I re-gained overnight is now gone (&then some YAY). (doing this workout plus yoga/kickboxing when I can get to it this week)
Moral of my story: It’s okay to lose your shit [I'm convinced everyone does -and those who say they don't have bad days are just a bunch of liars] just get back up after you’ve been feeling down.
oh.. & whatever you do don’t wallow by eating food you’ll regret because you’re regretting eating food [guilty] it just makes your journey that much harder.
ps. Amedeo if you are reading this. I’m sorry and thank you for dealing with me that day I LOVE YOU
pps. I know weight loss does not always determine fat loss I am highly educated on the subject. I wrote this post to make others aware of how judgmental women can be on their own bodies and how others should be aware of this. We should be supporting each other not competing with each other!!
Everyone always “How do I stop hunger cravings?” Because even if you’re eating all the right things eating too much can still make you gain weight.
Your body becomes hungry due to lack of nutrients. This signals your brain to eat. Sometimes it’s best to listen to your body. Craving steak? You may be low in iron. Craving avocado? You may need fats in your diet. However, if you are craving cupcakes every day [lets be honest it happens to all of us] you may be guilty of too much sugar in your diet.
Sugar works like a drug. You get “high” your blood sugar level crashes not long after and suddenly your head is in the fridge looking for another fix. Yeah.. sounds pretty bad when you put it like that huh? [truth hurts]
So I can’t help you with your ‘addiction’ except to tell you to go cold turkey. But for the whole always hungry thing… Try taking a Multi. Yes it is that simple! Don’t believe me? Then try it for 2 weeks. I can promise a difference. BUTTTTT make sure you pick the right ones as many vitamins [like one a day&other big brands] don’t actually digest well in your system. I like these because I can eat them on an empty tummy [for max absorption] w/o belching weird smells. yuck. Don’t like pills? Try this brand.
[ps. if you're new to working out and can't stop craving carbs give it a week and you should see the crazy hungry animal best in you calm down]